Robert Bentley

The story of Bentley, as posted by the proud new dad:

The Koller family is pleased to announce the birth of their first child, Robert Bentley. Born June 7, in the year of our Lord 2008. He was born 8 pounds, 4 ounces and 21 inches long. He has lots of dark brown hair and what appears to be deep blue eyes. We really like him and decided to keep him.

We went into the hospital on Friday, June 6 (his due date) so that Diane could be induced. They started out the cocktail of induction (called a Foley induction, not Matt Foley, although that would be awesome.) with a lovely catheter that has a balloon at the end and fills with water. As it fills up, it dilates the cervix. At about 4 am on Saturday morning they started D on a wonderful Pitocin drip. Pitocin, for those of you who aren't pregnancy savvy is a synthetic form of oxytocin that is naturally produced in the body. It causes contractions. At about 8 or 9 am on Saturday morning, the doc broke D's water. Diane really liked the sensation of peeing her pants. So the nurses checked up on Diane a lot and made sure that things were going well with Bentley. Then the bell tolled. One of our nurses came in and was unable to find Mr. Bentley's heartbeat. She was taking the monitor that straps around Diane's belly and moving it from side to side trying to find his heartbeat. Usually they just put the monitor on her tummy and you can instantly hear the heartbeat. I watched her and started getting really scared. I wondered why they couldn't find his heartbeat. As time passed I got more scared. They took an internal monitor and put it on his head. Its a nasty little device with a screw-like thingy that screws into the baby's head, but is supposed to give a more accurate reading. They tried one of those and were getting a very irregular heartbeat, so they pulled it out and put another in, with the same results. The nurses left and came back to say that the doc was on the floor. He appeared shortly after that and gave us the wonderful news that we would have to do a cesarean section. No bueno. D and I really wanted to avoid a c-section for lots of reasons, but at the moment, we didn't have much of a choice.

What happened after this was probably the scariest experience of my short lived life. They forgot for mention that it would be an emergency c-section because after the news was delivered everyone started to spaz out, in a good way of course. They ran around and rushed her to the operating room. They told me shortly after the c-section announcement that daddy couldn't come. Man was that rough. I had seen my wonderful wife deal with 10 months of hell and I wasn't going to be there in her finest hour? WTF mate? But then they said that I could come. So we went back and put on space outfits, literally the same stuff they wear at NASA when building space apparatuses. Then they told me to go to front of the room where D was. There were at least 11 people working on her including nurses, doctors, and anesthesiologists, and more coming in and out of the room. From the time they said they were doing the c-section to the time Bentley was born was only about 15 minutes. I hung out with D behind the sheet that they put in front of her face. They put it there for a couple reasons I think. They probably didn't want her to see all the mean things they were doing. Holy crap after Dubs was born I looked over the blue wall and I was astonished at what they were doing to my numb wife. I doubt Cesar did stuff like that.

So anyway Diane and I were chit chatting at the front of the blue wall while they were working on getting our kid out. We talked about the finer things of life. We discussed our stock portfolio, where we want to travel when we are old and how we would love to be on a beach at that moment. Man I was so scared. I had always pictured the intense labor where the wife is screaming and I am breathing with her doing the "hee hee whoos". I dreamed that we would hear the baby's first cry and then I would give D a high-five (which we had discussed and planned for). Anyway, we did hear our baby's first cry and I don't think I've ever been more relieved in my life; except for that one time after Diane's casserole and I was so clogged up... uh, just kidding.

So we heard his cry and it was neat. They took him past us totally wrapped in a blue sheet, similar to the one we were hanging out behind. I couldn't see him in it, but he looked like a gift basket with the huge clear plastic that they tie a bow around. We heard them in the special care nursery working him over, he didn't like it very much. After a while they told me I could pick up my order at the window (literally) and I retrieved my delicious little creation. Man was that cool. I took him over to D who was still getting worked over by the docs. We really thought the world of our new little guy. It was wonderful. A while after that they took me back to the special care nursery where I hung out with him under a warmer. His hands and feet were grey and cold, normal from what I hear. We got his body temperature to normal and then we gave him a bath. Fortunatley, Rebecca Greer (a nurse in our ward) was the nurse and understood the intense need to give my child a faux hawk after we bathed him. He looked like his daddy, totally punk rock.

We took him into our would-be home for two days and we were met by mommy and several family members and friends. It was great. Bentley was healthy and well. Di and I later talked about the experience and we both were in agreement that we would do it all over again for our little amigo. Having a baby, while intensely scary and nerve racking was a wonderful, sacred experience. I will not soon forget it.

PS: I'd like to put in a plug for Madison Memorial. Man the staff, nurses and doctors were cool, especially the nurses. They were always willing to take time to answer questions, get random stuff for us and do whatever we needed. The facilities were clean and comfortable. For those who read this, even if you don't live in Rexburg, you should come to Madison Memorial to have your kids. I think you'll be hard pressed to find a better facility and staff. Thanks so much everyone at MMH, you do great work.

Fast forward a couple of days. We are home now. Bentley doesn't like to sleep when we like to sleep and I spent the first 3 hours after going to bed putting the pacifier back in his mouth. We didn't want to start him on the pacifier so early, but after all his needs have been met and he is still screaming, the pacifier is a good Samaritan. He is super cool though and I think we'll keep him.